I recently went to a really amazing yoga class while I was home for Christmas. It was on Christmas Day; the studio was packed. I heard that there were 45 people in a room meant for 30. As I was so close to my neighbours, I started to notice a few types of people; but I had seen these people before, no? It was in Halifax!…no wait, it was in Victoria! Then I realized, holy crap, these people are everywhere. Who are these people you ask? Well, these are the 10 people that you will meet at yoga.
*Disclaimer – this is not meant to upset anyone – it’s meant to be funny. And maybe not your kind of funny, but my kind of funny (which may or may not be funny to you). If you get offended easily, are overly sensitive, or hate smiling, you may want to stop reading.
1. The Hoarder.
This person has brought to his mat: towels, a plastic bag, keys, water bottle, chapstick, a laptop, another plastic bag, and the entire country of Russia. He somehow has shoved all of this into his plastic bag and needs to grab something out of it every few poses.
2. The Towel Wiper
This person seems to be terrified of the fact he is sweating and takes every opportunity to wipe himself down completely. Every inch will be wiped. Every. Inch.
3. The Gymnast/Cheerleader/Dancer
These yogis are IMPRESSIVE. You can usually find them close to the mirror, in minimal clothing, and easily are sticking limbs in places you have never seen before.
4. The Angry Lady
This lady has been practicing yoga since 1902 and is pissed that three people have stepped over her mat in the last five minutes (she tells you this and sighs loudly when it happens for a fourth time).
5. The hungover 20/30-something.
There is a definite smell of booze in their vicinity. They have come to sweat that sh*t out. They haven’t removed all of their make-up from last nights outing and their hair still looks pretty damn good. They are also wearing minimal clothing.
6. The Hippie
Spandex? Forget it. They are wearing all natural hemp (you know because you can smell it). You can also recognize these yogis by the dreadlocks and other natural fibers in and around this person.
7. The Walker
They peace out numerous times throughout the class; usually in the balancing series, as they try to maneuver around the reaching arms and legs. They may also leave during savasana, or when he or she feels like they’ve had enough yoga for the moment.
8. The Talker
They like to whisper loudly to inform those around them of what they are thinking, how much they are sweating, how hot the room is, their cats diarrhea, or who got kicked off the bachelorette last night.
9. The Jock
He has probably been brought there by his girlfriend (refer to #3, for more information on her). He grimaces throughout the stretches, doesn’t like putting his arms over his head, and sometimes suffers from imaginary lat syndrome.
10. The Newbie
This person may or may not have worn jeans and has accidentally set his mat up at the front of the room (thinking it was the back). He has lazer focus and has locked onto the teacher, he will continue looking at her even when she has moved to the back corner of the room.
Now, I know what you are thinking. “whoa, Judge Judy over here”. But really, when you look at all of the types of people that come into yoga- how cool is that? How many activities can you have such an eclectic group of people, where everyone is so different, has their own quirks, and can come together and practice in the same place? I think it’s pretty interesting. And yes, I know that I should be focusing more and concentrating on my own practice – I should also floss my teeth more often, eat more greens, and go for a few more runs. I’m working on it.